Never to Keep (Accepting Fate #1) Read online

  *

  “I, Ethan, take you, Madison, as my wedded wife, to have and to hold from this day forward. I promise to love, honor, and cherish you, forsaking all others, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, as long as we both shall live.”

  Ryan winked at me over Ethan’s shoulder, his smile overflowing with love.

  “With this ring, I thee wed and pledge my love and faithfulness to only you forever.” A simple gold band slid onto my waiting finger.

  “I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride.”

  The familiar dream pulled me abruptly from my slumber. Coming to terms with my new reality would be next to impossible. I wasn’t sure how I could accept the fact that Ryan wouldn’t be there on my special day—and neither would Ethan.

  My head was pounding as I climbed out of the unfamiliar bed and walked to the bathroom. I didn’t think I’d drunk enough to justify a hangover, but at least I hadn’t spent the night on the cold tile floor with my arms wrapped around the toilet.

  After my biological needs had been met, I grabbed my overnight bag from the closet and dug through it for something to wear. I dressed quickly in a pair of worn-out jeans and an oversized football jersey, and then gave myself a once-over in the mirrored closet doors. Although I was verging on homely, I didn’t look nearly as bad as I felt.

  “Shit,” I muttered to myself when I pulled my hair up in a sloppy ponytail and discovered that one of my earlobes was bare. My mother had given me the earrings I’d worn the night before for my sixteenth birthday, and they were the only pair I owned that didn’t turn my ears green.

  For over an hour, I tore the room apart in search of the small sapphire that dangled from a golden hook. Although all I wanted to do was leave, I decided to retrace my steps through the hotel in a last-ditch attempt to find it. I would not, however, be knocking on the asshole’s door. Nothing was worth seeing him again.

  Steeling my stomach, I pressed the call button for the elevator. Thankfully the car was empty, so I thoroughly inspected the marble floor for any sign of gold or blue during the short trip to my first stop two floors down. I was glad no one was waiting to get on when the doors opened, since I was still on my hands and knees.

  Staggering to my feet, I stepped out of the elevator car before the doors began to close. As I turned the corner toward the asshole’s room, my eye caught a glint of light bouncing off of a blue stone a few feet away. Pushing aside memories of being carried over his shoulder, I picked my earring up and turned to head back to the elevator alcove.

  A door slammed shut behind me, and I looked over my shoulder reflexively. My stomach twisted. I ran the remaining distance to the elevator and pressed the arrow. Fortunately, the doors opened at once—the car that had dropped me off was still there.

  I stabbed the button to close the doors what felt like a thousand times before the damn thing obeyed. It was too late. With mere inches to go, a hand sporting thick acrylic nails darted between the shiny doors.

  The woman stepped in and hit the button for the floor above mine. Her long red hair was matted in the back, and her pale green eyes were cloudy. No one looked good when taking the walk of shame, especially not when wearing a dress that reminded me of a giant Dreamsicle.

  Her lips curled into a smirk when she caught me cataloging her disheveled appearance. “Best man,” she gloated. “He’s an absolute beast between the sheets.”

  If there was any trace of a good girl left inside of me, it vanished when the doors opened on my floor. “Did his sheets still smell like me? I warmed them up for you.” A spark of satisfaction surged through me when the smugness on her face morphed to indignation. I walked away with my head held high before she could form a comeback.

  Abuela would have been very disappointed with me.

  CHAPTER SIX

  Sawyer

  My phone rang as soon as I landed at LAX. “Ramsay,” I snapped into my Bluetooth headset without looking at the screen. I didn’t care that my bad mood was on full display; anyone who didn’t like it could kiss my ass. I grabbed my carry-on bags and headed toward the front of the plane.

  “Hi, my name is Marina, and I’m trying to reach Sawyer Adam Ramsay. Is that you?” For a moment, I’d hoped it was the girl from the hotel, but the voice on the phone didn’t speak with the same rhythm. I stepped around a slow-as-fuck old lady on the stupidly long and narrow jetway.

  “That’s my name.” It was probably a scam. I would have hung up if I’d had a free hand. I’d likely be trampled by the sea of bodies racing to the terminal if I stopped long enough to disconnect the call. It was easier to listen for another minute until I made it to the building.

  “Believe it or not, you’re the third Sawyer Ramsay I’ve spoken to, and I want to make sure I have the right person.” I could feel the nervous energy in her voice. I was concentrating on maneuvering in front of a family with six small children when she said the words that stopped me dead in my tracks. “Were you adopted as a newborn about twenty-five years ago?”

  I nearly toppled over when several people ran into me. “Y-yes,” I cleared my throat and tried again. “Yes.” The loud curses of the other passengers made it hard to hear the phone. I wanted to tell them all to shut the fuck up instead of moving to a quieter place. In the end, I chose the option that wouldn’t result in my arrest.

  “I think I’m your sister—well, half-sister. I would like to talk to you in person, to see if the information I have matches up with what you know. I’m off for a couple of weeks, and I’m able to fly to wherever you are.” She sounded as excited as the little girls in my class at Christmas time.

  “How do I know you’re legit?”

  “I’ll meet you anywhere you want. I can text you a picture of my mother—our mother—so you can look for a family resemblance.”

  “Where are you now?” I walked past the security guard on the way to baggage claim.

  “I actually just got back to Los Angeles. I’m still at the airport.”

  Small fucking world.

  “Meet me by baggage claim carousel A-three as soon as you can.”

  “I’ll be there in ten,” she replied.

  I dropped one of my carry-on bags on a chair and ended the call.

  Almost everyone from my flight was gone by the time she arrived. My jaw hit the floor. Marina fucking Alexander surveyed the area before her eyes found me. Tate Parker and a man the size of a school bus followed closely behind her.

  “Sawyer?” she asked. I stared at her for a long moment as she came my way.

  “Yeah.” I closed the short distance between us, my bags completely forgotten. “This has to be a mistake; we can’t be related. I mean, you’re Marina Alexander, and I’m nobody.”

  “I don’t think it’s a mistake, and you are somebody. You’re my big brother, among other things.” Her smile lit the entire room. She was often referred to as one of the most beautiful women in the world. Thank God I’d never been attracted to her like that.

  “Ma’am, we need to move. This area isn’t secure.”

  The rumbling bass voice drew Marina’s attention to the men who flanked her. “How rude of me. Sawyer, this is my friend, Tate Parker.” It was common knowledge that they had been dating for years. “And, this is our bodyguard, Sam.” The enormous dude to her left gave me a curt nod.

  “Do you want to go somewhere more secure and talk?” I asked. Sam was right; the baggage claim area would fill up again soon, which would compromise her safety and privacy. I was surprised by the surge of protectiveness I felt toward her. Before now, I’d never met anyone I shared blood with, so maybe it was a normal reaction. “I work at an elementary school about thirty minutes from here. The kids are still on summer break, so there won’t be many people there.”

  “Sounds perfect. Our driver is waiting outside. We’ll give you a lift to your car and then follow you to the school.” She lifted my duffle bag from the chair behind me.

  “I can g
et that,” I protested and unsuccessfully tried to take it from her. The woman was incredibly strong.

  “Why do men always equate boobs with helplessness?” I’m not too proud to admit that the determined look on her face scared me a little bit.

  “You know, Del,” Tate interjected, “you don’t always have to be in charge.”

  She sighed. “I know.” She placed the bag in his outstretched hand. He seemed good for her.

  *

  I held open the classroom door for my guests and let it close once everyone was inside.

  “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you this happy before.” Tate smiled at my sister with unadulterated love in his eyes.

  “Can you blame me? I thought I was all alone in this world, and now I have a brother!” She bounced on her toes and turned her attention back to me.

  “It’s so cool that you’re a teacher.” Marina looked around the room with the wonder of a child.

  “It’s fun. This will be my third year teaching fourth grade. The kids are great at this age, so full of energy and curiosity.”

  “It’s admirable that you teach in an underprivileged neighborhood,” Tate said as he looked through the barred window.

  “Please, back up, Mr. Parker. There may be bars on the windows, but I bet the glass isn’t bullet proof.” The huge bald man made a move toward the slender actor. Almost all of the drive-by shootings in the neighborhood happened after dark, but I couldn’t fault his thoroughness.

  The actor took a seat at the small table I used for reading groups, and his bodyguard seemed to approve of his new location. Marina and I joined Tate at the round table while Sam moved to the opposite corner of the room to keep watch.

  “These kids don’t have much, and neither does the school. I try to do as much as I can for them, but it’s hardly enough.” I looked around the room that was far too small for the number of students on my roster. “I tutor kids with learning disabilities after school. We usually crowd around this little table.” I tapped the yellow melamine surface. “This community really needs a rec center, so the kids have a safe place to go. I’m working on a grant proposal to get the project funded.”

  “Tate and I can autograph a few things for you to auction off as a fundraiser.”

  “That’s very generous; I’ll keep it in mind. I don’t want to take advantage of either of you, so I’m going to try other methods first.”

  Marina nodded and pulled a file folder from her giant purse that was probably worth more than I made in a month. “I found out recently that my mother had a baby boy about a year before I was born.” She fiddled with the corner of the folder as she spoke. “She was pregnant with you when she met my father. He didn’t want to raise another man’s child, so he forced her to give you up.” Her sad, blue eyes were strikingly similar to mine. “I’m so sorry.”

  “Don’t be—my parents are great. I still live with them. I have no regrets.” I could have done without Thomas’s drama over the years, but, for the most part, my life had been wonderful. “I have two brothers. Thomas is three years older, and Finn is seven months younger. Mom didn’t realize she was pregnant with Finn when they adopted me.” I knew it wouldn’t have changed anything if she had known. “I actually just got back from Finn’s wedding in the Midwest.”

  “Let me get this straight,” she giggled, “your parents named their kids Tom, Sawyer, and Finn?”

  “Yeah, Mom’s a retired middle school English teacher and a big fan of Twain. She used to introduce us that way: Tom, Sawyer, and Finn. That’s why Thomas refuses to go by Tom.” I’d always been grateful she didn’t name me Huck.

  “What about your dad, what does he do?”

  “He’s a plastic surgeon in Beverly Hills. He’s probably worked on most of your co-stars.” Marina listened attentively as I told her more about my family and my childhood.

  “It sounds as if the adoption was a blessing for you,” Marina said when I paused. “I’m so glad you grew up in a happy home.” Tate took her hand in his as her eyes fell. She obviously hadn’t been as lucky. Marina and Tate were the biggest movie stars in the world, yet she’d looked at me wistfully when I told her the tale of my ordinary life. Something was haunting her. Something unspeakable had happened to my baby sister, and I hadn’t been there to protect her.

  “Can I meet our mother sometime?” My stomach churned at the thought that she had also been hurt.

  “She died a long time ago.” I could see in her eyes that she wasn’t ready to go into details, so I didn’t press. “I have something of hers I want to give you. I can tell by looking at you that you’re my brother; however, my lawyers insist on a DNA test first.”

  “You don’t have to give me anything, though, I think it would be nice to know for sure.”

  “She would’ve wanted you to have it, and I don’t want or need it. Once we get the test results back, I’ll get it all set up.” Marina slid a photograph across the table. “This is our mother.” There was no doubt she was my mother, even though her eyes were golden brown.

  “She was beautiful,” I said. My eyes were locked on the image of the woman who gave me life.

  “I agree.” When I looked up, she was silently begging me to move on to another topic of conversation. Unfortunately, she beat me to it. “So, you want to tell me why you were so grumpy earlier?” My cheeks burned at the thought of my one-night stand. I’d enjoyed the distraction Marina provided, but she couldn’t erase the memory of waking up alone.

  “Ah, a girl,” she said knowingly. She’d only been my sister for a couple of hours and was already sticking her nose in my business.

  “It’s nothing.” I shrugged, trying to play it cool. “Just weren’t on the same page.” We weren’t even reading the same book. I was trying to figure out how I could keep fucking her for the foreseeable future without my brother finding out while she was planning her escape.

  Fuck her; she was the same as the women Thomas warned me about. I’d dodged a bullet and would never make that mistake again. From now on, I would fuck ’em and leave ’em. I wouldn’t get my hopes up and sure as hell would never get attached.

  “I’ll get over it,” I lied.

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  Sawyer

  A month after we first connected, I met up with Marina for lunch on the set of her latest movie. “I got the results of the DNA test last week. I couldn’t believe it,” she said. She took a bite of her salad and pushed her sunglasses up the bridge of her nose. The weather was absolutely perfect.

  “Are we not related?” I asked. Disappointment crept in. I’d really grown attached to her over the past few weeks.

  “We are related, just more so than I thought. I had my private investigator do some research, and I think I have it figured out,” she said.

  “What does that mean?”

  “It turns out you are my half-brother, full-brother, and cousin.” Her eyes lit up as I tried to figure out her riddle.

  “How on earth is that possible?”

  “The DNA test said we are full siblings, but I know that isn’t true because of the circumstances surrounding your adoption. There is no way my father would have given up a son.” She paused to take a sip of her diet soda. “My father was an identical twin. My PI found evidence that my uncle knew our mother around the time you were conceived. My father was estranged from his family at the time, so he never knew about the affair. They didn’t reconnect until after I was born, so my uncle never knew about you.”

  “That explains the eyes.”

  “Exactly. The report says we share a little over fifty-five percent of our DNA, which is fairly high, even for full siblings.”

  “Is my father still alive?” I wasn’t sure how I would feel about meeting him. There wasn’t a hole in my life I needed him to fill because I already had a dad, and I had a blood relative thanks to Marina.

  “He passed away when I was in college. He was my favorite person in the entire world. He raised me after my parents died. I still have all
of his things; you can come over and look through them to see if there’s anything you want. I’d love to tell you all about him.”

  “Hey, bro,” Tate said as he took a seat next to Marina on the picnic table bench. I nodded my greeting to my sister’s long-time boyfriend because my mouth was full.

  “What time do you wrap tonight?” she asked Tate. “I want to have Sawyer over for dinner.” She turned her attention back to me. “If you’re free, that is.”

  “I don’t have any plans,” I said. I never had any plans that didn’t involve my sister or teaching dyslexic kids how to read.

  “We’re making good progress, so I should be done around five,” Tate said. “They’re filming the fight scene with the stunt guys tonight.”

  “Perfect. How about you come over around seven?” she asked me.

  “Sounds great.”

  *

  Marina’s house was beautiful, but it was not at all what I’d expected. This was the kind of house a lawyer would have; it wasn’t grand enough for Hollywood’s golden couple.

  “What were you going to tell me about your sister-in-law?” she asked. I had told her all about Kristy during our chats over the past month. I had started to tell Marina about the latest drama on the phone earlier, but was cut off when she was unexpectedly called to the set.

  My fury came rushing back as I began to tell her the story. “I got home after lunch and found a moving truck in the driveway. Finn and the bitch are moving in with my parents while they remodel their house. Said it could take the better part of a fucking year. I’m going to have to move out.”

  “I’ve never met her, but based on what you’ve said, I think that’s the best thing to do. I’ll help you find a place.”