Never to Keep (Accepting Fate #1) Read online

  Never to Keep

  (Accepting Fate, Book 1)

  Aimie Grey

  Copyright © 2014 by Aimie Grey

  Kindle Edition

  All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law.

  Publisher’s Note: This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental

  The author acknowledges the trademarked status and trademark owners of various products referenced in this work of fiction, which have been used without permission. The publication/use of these trademarks is not authorized, associated with, or sponsored by the trademark owner.

  Published by Insanity Press, Hilliard, Ohio

  Cover Design by Kari Ayasha of Cover to Cover Designs

  Cover image used under license from omgimages/Bigstock.com

  Edited by Liz Aguilar of Book Peddler’s Editing

  Book Layout ©2013 BookDesignTemplates.com

  Never to Keep/ Aimie Grey.—1st ed.

  ISBN 978-0-9903409-1-1

  Library of Congress Control Number: 2014941642

  For Emily and Shawna

  Table of Contents

  Title Page

  Copyright Page

  Dedication

  Chapter One – Madison

  Chapter Two – Sawyer

  Chapter Three – Sawyer

  Chapter Four – Madison

  Chapter Five – Madison

  Chapter Six – Sawyer

  Chapter Seven – Sawyer

  Chapter Eight – Madison

  Chapter Nine – Madison

  Chapter Ten – Sawyer

  Chapter Eleven – Madison

  Chapter Twelve – Madison

  Chapter Thirteen – Madison

  Chapter Fourteen – Madison

  Chapter Fifteen – Sawyer

  Chapter Sixteen – Madison

  Chapter Seventeen – Madison

  Chapter Eighteen – Sawyer

  Chapter Nineteen – Madison

  Chapter Twenty – Madison

  Chapter Twenty-One – Sawyer

  Chapter Twenty-Two – Sawyer

  Chapter Twenty-Three – Sawyer

  Chapter Twenty-Four – Madison

  Chapter Twenty-Five – Madison

  Chapter Twenty-Six – Madison

  Chapter Twenty-Seven – Madison

  Chapter Twenty-Eight – Madison

  Chapter Twenty-Nine – Madison

  Chapter Thirty – Sawyer

  Chapter Thirty-One – Sawyer

  Chapter Thirty-Two – Sawyer

  Chapter Thirty-Three – Madison

  Chapter Thirty-Four – Sawyer

  Chapter Thirty-Five – Madison

  Chapter Thirty-Six – Sawyer

  Chapter Thirty-Seven – Madison

  Chapter Thirty-Eight – Madison

  Chapter Thirty-Nine – Madison

  Chapter Forty – Madison

  Chapter Forty-One – Madison

  Chapter Forty-Two – Madison

  Chapter Forty-Three – Madison

  Chapter Forty-Four – Madison

  Chapter Forty-Five – Sawyer

  Chapter Forty-Six – Madison

  Chapter Forty-Seven – Madison

  Chapter Forty-Eight – Madison

  Chapter Forty-Nine – Olivia

  Chapter Fifty – Madison

  Chapter Fifty-One – Madison

  Chapter Fifty-Two – Sawyer

  Chapter Fifty-Three – Madison

  Chapter Fifty-Four – Sawyer

  Chapter Fifty-Five – Madison

  Chapter Fifty-Six – Madison

  Chapter Fifty-Seven – Sawyer

  Chapter Fifty-Eight – Madison

  Chapter Fifty-Nine – Sawyer

  Chapter Sixty – Madison

  Chapter Sixty-One – Sawyer

  Chapter Sixty-Two – Madison

  Chapter Sixty-Three – Sawyer

  Chapter Sixty-Four – Sawyer

  Chapter Sixty-Five – Sawyer

  Chapter Sixty-Six – Madison

  Chapter Sixty-Seven – Madison

  Letter from Aimie

  Acknowledgements

  About the Author

  CHAPTER ONE

  Madison

  I kicked off the only pair of high-heeled shoes I owned and leapt from my chair. The freshly cut grass pricked the soles of my feet as I darted to where my sister-in-law, Olivia, stood shaking. I felt Ethan follow closely behind.

  A light summer breeze freed one of Olivia’s auburn curls and rustled the leaves of the mature maple trees nearby. I rounded the podium and pulled her into my arms, barely registering the bite of her fingernails gouging my back.

  “I can’t do this,” she whimpered. “I thought I could, but I just can’t.”

  The sweltering August sun did nothing to ease the chill that penetrated through to my bones. “I’ll do it. Your little girl needs you now.” I transferred Olivia into Ethan’s arms and watched him guide her back to where her daughter, Peyton, was quietly sobbing. I clung to the wobbly lectern and let my eyelids drift closed for a moment to calm my racing heart.

  I took a deep breath, opened my eyes, and scanned the crowd of familiar faces. “Ryan was barely a teenager when we lost our father. It was the most devastating event of our lives—until now, anyway. Ryan was so strong for me. He held me when I needed to cry, told a lame joke when I needed to laugh, and ordered me to ‘suck it up’ when it was time to end my pity party.

  “The day of our dad’s funeral, Ryan told me he didn’t want anyone to ever be that sad because of him. His plan was to never have a family of his own, so Mom and I would be the only ones who would miss him if anything ever happened.” I paused for a moment until I caught my sister-in-law’s eye. “That plan went to hell when he finally admitted to himself that he had been in love with Olivia for most of his life.

  “I wanted to be strong for Ryan today, but some things just aren’t possible. Someday I’ll be able to celebrate his life instead of mourning his loss, just not today.” I looked into Peyton’s hazel eyes—the ones given to her by her father. They always turned jade green when she cried. I watched as tears continued to spill down her cheeks. “It’s all right to be sad and miss him as long as we don’t forget the happiness and love he brought to our lives. I know he misses us just as much as we miss him.

  “I didn’t get a chance to say goodbye in person—none of us did, so today I’m saying goodbye to my teacher, my role model, my protector, my best friend. He was the greatest brother, husband, father, son, and friend that ever graced the earth.”

  The painful, burning lump in my throat made it impossible to continue. The minister took my place at the lectern as I made my way into the only remaining pair of arms that could hold me together. Ethan pulled me closer, and I sank against him.

  “We commit Ryan to his final resting place: earth to earth, ashes to ashes, dust to dust.” The mahogany box that held my big brother slowly descended into the earth next to our father’s grave. Desperate for warmth, I snuggled deeper into Ethan’s broad chest.

  The tortured cries from Peyton and Olivia ripped through the paper-thin walls of my heart. Several of Peyton’s loose curls clung to her damp cheeks. Ryan would have hated to see Pey
ton in so much agony; he cherished his little girl more than life itself.

  “Go forth in peace and love. Amen.” The minister’s prayer book closed with a soft thump. Friends and what little family we had lined up to hug Peyton and Olivia. Most of them would go back to their normal lives, but the three of us would never fully recover from the loss.

  Ethan and I leaned against a nearby tree as the white folding chairs were cleared away and a backhoe filled Ryan’s grave. I couldn’t bring myself to go, and Ethan didn’t want to leave without me. We watched as everyone left, one by one.

  “Remember the day we met?” Ethan asked. “It was hot just like today.” He wiped the sweat from his brow. “I thought Ryan was crazy when he invited me to play football with him and his little sister. I decided to go anyway because I was so desperate for a friend.”

  Ethan had been the new kid, and most of the other kids our age had gone out of their way to avoid him. They acted as if they’d never seen a bi-racial person before.

  “That was a great day.” I smiled as I thought about the first time I saw Ethan nearly a dozen years ago. He’d been the cutest boy I’d ever seen.

  “Despite making me promise I wouldn’t treat you like a girl, I thought he was going to kill me when I tackled you.” Ethan’s eyes lit up for a moment. “He did want to kill me, but only because you were upset you didn’t score.”

  “I fell in love with you the moment my knees hit the ground.” He never treated me like a helpless girl.

  “I fell in love with you when you cussed me out for taking you down.” He tucked a stray lock of hair behind my ear. “Ryan noticed the change. The next day, he made me promise to never hurt you, and he wasn’t talking about skinned knees.”

  I laced my fingers through his and studied the beautiful pattern they made: large, small, dark, light. I met his big brown eyes with my own. “I love you. Thank you for staying here with me.” I closed the small distance between us and gave him a peck on the mouth. “A lot of Ryan’s friends from out of town are staying at the house, so I booked a hotel room for us in the city.” I needed to be wrapped up in his strong arms now more than ever.

  I leaned in to kiss him again. I needed to feel close to him, needed the human connection. I stumbled as he abruptly pulled away to dodge my lips. His gaze drifted around the cemetery. His grip on my hand tightened as he turned to face me. “There’s something I need to tell you.” His entire body stiffened. “I have to break my promise to Ryan.”

  “What? W-what are you talking about?” My heart stilled.

  “I need to break up with you.”

  “Why?” I managed to squeak around the lump of tears lodged in my throat.

  “I’m tired of fighting the urge to be with other people. I can’t be faithful to you anymore, and I respect you too much to cheat.” The catch in his voice belied his confidence in the decision.

  “Maybe we just need to make more of an effort to spend time together,” I attempted to reason.

  “I can’t do this anymore, Mads. You aren’t enough for me,” he whispered hoarsely. His large hand smoothed over his thick black hair. “I’m sorry, but it’s over.”

  His unexpected words twisted the serrated knife that had been lodged in my chest since Ryan’s fatal car accident. “Why here, why now?” It had to be some sort of sick joke.

  “I’ve wanted to tell you for a while, but needed to do it face to face. I’m driving back to Bloomington this afternoon. Who knows when we might see each other next?” He cleared a few tears from my cheek with his thumb. “I never wanted to hurt you. I hope someday you’ll be able to forgive me.”

  “Please, just leave.” I turned away to hide my scalding tears. I didn’t want to be the kind of girl who cried over a boy—but he wasn’t just any boy. This boy was my everything.

  He didn’t argue. A moment later, he was gone, and for the first time in my life, I felt completely alone.

  *

  Once the sod had been laid, I fell to the ground next to the temporary grave marker that bore my brother’s name. I hugged my knees to my chest to keep the pieces of my shredded heart from falling out. “I miss you so much, Ry. You weren’t supposed to leave me. Y-you promised you would never leave me.” The hole in my chest expanded with every word I spoke. “I don’t know who I am without you. I wish I could stay with you and Dad.”

  A sharp gust of wind blew through the quiet cemetery and knocked over the picture Olivia had placed near the head of Ryan’s grave. I picked up the wooden frame and felt my brother’s presence as I stared at the photograph I’d taken six years ago.

  “This was the happiest day of my life,” I murmured. I traced the tip of my finger over the image of Peyton’s tiny body safely tucked in the crook of her daddy’s protective arm as her mommy watched from a hospital bed.

  That day I watched through joyful tears as Ryan held his baby girl for the first time. Olivia’s bright blue eyes overflowed with love as she looked upon her husband and their child. It didn’t matter that her hair was a tangled, sweaty mess; in that moment, she was the most beautiful woman in the world.

  I once thought that Ethan and I would have a picture just like it sitting on our mantle. I now had nothing to look forward to. My dreams for a family with him were over.

  I tightened my grip on the smooth frame when another strong wind threatened to dislodge it from my hands. In that moment, I realized Ryan was sending me a message. He was showing me a new purpose for my life, a reason to keep going. I could almost hear his voice on the wind saying, “Take care of my girls for me.”

  I curled up between my father and brother. There would be no relief for the burning behind my eyes; I cried until my tears ran dry.

  CHAPTER TWO

  Sawyer

  “Give me your phones,” Thomas ordered as he walked into the room with a shit-eating grin on his face. My younger brother Finn and I handed our phones to our older brother without question. Thomas put a phone in each hip-level pocket of his tuxedo jacket and arranged them so the camera lenses stuck out over the jet black fabric. “Be right back.”

  Less than two minutes later, Thomas strode through the door of the office where we were waiting for the ceremony to begin. “You have to see this shit,” he said with a twinkle in his brown eyes. He handed us each a phone and tapped the play button on the screens.

  The video was shot from the top row of the choir loft behind the altar with the phones still in Thomas’s pockets. The right side of the church was packed with our friends and family while the bride’s side was sparsely populated.

  The first sound on the recording was Thomas faking an exaggerated yawn.

  Then it happened.

  His single yawn set off a chain reaction through our side of the church that put to shame the best ‘wave’ Dodger Stadium had ever seen.

  “You should put that online. That’s the finest display of group jetlag I’ve ever seen,” I said. “You couldn’t choreograph something like that.” We laughed, even though what the video represented wasn’t the least bit funny.

  “Why is it that nearly a hundred of your guests had to fly two thousand miles to attend your wedding when she has only about ten people out there?” I asked Finn.

  “This is her home town.” He shrugged as if it wasn’t a big deal. “Relationships are all about compromise.”

  “What was the compromise? You convince half of southern California to fly to Indiana, and she’ll continue to spread her legs for you?” Thomas asked dryly. “When was the last time a compromise worked out in your favor?”

  “Uh…” Finn ran a hand through his sandy hair as he pondered Thomas’s question. He abruptly pulled his hand from his head and dashed to the large, ornate mirror hanging on the wall. All of us knew Kristy would be pissed if he wasn’t perfectly groomed for the pictures.

  “That’s sad, bro,” Thomas said as we stood behind Finn and took turns meeting his glare in the mirror. “You know we’re all worried about you.”

  I looked back an
d forth between my brothers in the mirror. Their matching dark eyes, dirty blond hair, and six-foot frames gave them a strong family resemblance. I was always the odd one out with blue eyes, dark brown hair, and two extra inches. However, in that moment, the tight irritation on Finn’s face and the soft concern on Thomas’s made them nearly unrecognizable as brothers.

  “I’m going to go check on something,” Finn muttered before storming out of the room.

  “Promise me you’ll stop me from making a mistake like that,” I pleaded to Thomas.

  “I promise, but you need to promise you’ll listen to me when the time comes. I’ve been trying to talk some sense into Finn ever since he met that bitch, but he thinks he’s in love.” Thomas took a swig from the silver flask he kept in his breast pocket.

  “You have my permission to use whatever means necessary to keep me from throwing my life away. I don’t see how anyone could be that stupid.”

  “The show she puts on for him has blinded him to reality. I’m just grateful I was able to talk him into getting a pre-nup. The last thing I need is for her to walk away with part ownership of the hotel.”

  I was relieved to hear that she wouldn’t be able to steal the hotel Thomas and Finn had worked so hard to build.

  “I’ve tried, too,” I said, my frustration seeping into my voice. “I talk to him every time she propositions me. He just laughs it off and tells me she’s joking.”

  “Finn’s made his bed. All you can do is learn from his mistake.” I paced while listening to Thomas. “Don’t worry; I won’t let the same thing happen to you.”

  “I don’t think there’s much risk I’ll end up like either one of you. You’ve put the fear of God in me thanks to all of those kids you pay for and never see.” I was proud of him for supporting his children, but hated that their mothers used them to manipulate him. “Not to mention that nasty case of the clap you had. Every time I look at a woman, all I see are STDs and child support payments.”

  “You’re lucky you were such a zit-faced dork in high school. Not getting laid may have sucked at the time, but it was a blessing in disguise,” Thomas said.